Last night, I cried myself to sleep.
Not because I had an argument with my fiance. (Because he is too generous, understanding and so sweet. Even if I’m having an emotional outburst, he responds with patience and love, ALWAYS! )
Not also because I’m on my monthly cycle. (And i’m in this hormonal phase)
Not because I can’t sleep (Which i’m still having difficulty right now)
I’m so tired.
Or more exactly… EXHAUSTED!
I’m so exhausted with all the works I have right now. I’m even behind all my deadlines. And I have the wedding to think about. Everything is too much to take. My mind and body is so overwhelmed that sometimes I unconsciously forgot important things (such as important people to be included in our entourage – more details about this in the next blog, hopefully).
I’ve been tired before. But this is different. Work keeps on coming and they can’t seem to stop. Deadlines after deadlines, meetings after meetings, that my calendar doesn’t look like a normal calendar because of all the notes and things to do written on it.
I know i’m not supposed to cry over this. I know this is just a phase. But hell, I can’t help myself to be so emotional about it. Because it is just too much! After my 8 hour work, I still need to continue working when I’m at home and most of the time attend meetings that will last until 12am. Then, I need to make sure everything is still okay with our wedding preparation. There’s so many things to think about. No wonder pimples and rashes keep on appearing in my body every day, which adds up to all these stresses.
This is not the first time I cried because of work.
Four years ago, I was also having the same dilemma, except that time, I only have an hour or two for myself. I don’t go home anymore because I need to stay in the office overnight for a presentation or for an event. It was all too much to handle that one time, I was in the bathroom and I cried so very hard. But that was before. I surpassed that.
I know what I’m experiencing right now is not that hard compared last time or compared to other people out there. But you have to understand, we are just human. We get tired and we get weak.
It’s not that I don’t like working anymore. I am actually happy with all the opportunities that I have right now.
But you know, I just want to rest, like for a day or for four hours without thinking about anything. I want to have time to jog, to read, to write stories, to meet my friends, to have an intimate and whole day date with my fiance or with my family. I want to have time where I can just focus with our wedding preparation and not think about work.
But I guess, time is a luxury. At the end of the day, the reality that I have work and deadlines that I need to do is still there. No matter how I cry about it.
I’m just thankful that with all these works and a hectic schedule, I have a supportive and understanding partner who is always there that I can depend on. Even though he is also busy with work, he still makes sure to give me time and help me with all the wedding prep. He even made our invitation! (Will share our crazy and fun experience next time).
So that’s it. Thank you for reading this. I feel better now. I won’t be crying tonight (I guess). Instead, I will use my energy to finish all these deadlines.
The EE soon-to-be Mrs. F
*EE – emotional and exhausted
For someone who admits she’s busy, she has time to blog this. Hahaha.
How about you? Are you feeling exhausted too? Feel free to vent out on the comments below. Let’s support and comfort each other.
Photo source: http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/06/25-famous-women-on-crying.html (Thanks KK for this appropirate photo.